This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
