Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
