Don't you send me to vm
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
