My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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