It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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