Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
