I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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