Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
