Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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