Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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