How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
