how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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