I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
