Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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