glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
