wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
