Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
