Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
