phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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