he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
