I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
