my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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