she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
