she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
nutella sex= disaster
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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