I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
