i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the day after is always just damage control
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
