Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
