he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize