the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
