bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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