Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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