When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
