Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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