We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
