She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
