Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can you bring me the toilet please
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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