Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize