I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
