Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
