I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
