My room smells like vodka and shame
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize