I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
