I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
