Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize