If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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