I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You dont lie about slip and slides
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
