it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You've changed since you got that strap on
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize