I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
