Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize