He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
