ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
