I wish I only lived at night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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