Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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