I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
