Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
