my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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