the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
