out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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