Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
