I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sober January is a disaster.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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