I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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