Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
