I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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