Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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