my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize