We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
