you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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