Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
