My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
